Funk

I haven't blogged in almost a week because...I haven't had much to blog about.  And cause....can I be real?  I've been in a bit of a funk.  We both have.  And I don't know why.  Actually I'm lying - I do know why.  We're both stressed about my job situation and my life and what the hell I'm supposed to do here.  It started last Wednesday when Drew was leaving for work and lovingly told me to "get out and do something!" that day.  I don't know what cracked inside me but I burst into tears, asking him where exactly he wanted me to GO and what he wanted me to DO....because I didn't have answers for either of those things.  I was meanwhile applying for jobs and getting rejected from a lot of them because I evidently don't have "administrative experience", even though that's pretty much all I did for the first 3 years of my after-college career.  I talked to a recruiter on Friday who was really nice but also very realistic, telling me that my resume wasn't doing me any favors for the jobs I'm applying for and Irish companies don't know the American companies I've worked for and even though I could successfully do all of the jobs I've applied for, it doesn't show that on paper.  And that I should start with temp work - but in order to start with temp work I have to get my visa situation sorted, and that's nearly impossible.  And then one of my friends here semi halfway offered me an unpaid internship at her marketing company she works for (like 40 minutes away), and even though I didn't necessarily want to take it, I felt like I had to because of what the recruiter said, and because we could use a second salary (if this thing ended up with me getting hired), and because this might be my only chance at employment for 2 years based on this shitty economy and my lack of anything relevant on my resume.  Shit.  Thus...the funk.  And the lack of writing.

We had a good, low key weekend, which is just what we wanted and needed.  Dinner at home on Friday night, then out with our friends Missy and Tom; slept in Saturday and laid around moaning about my headache due to...I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE!  LEAVE ME ALONE! and then went and got burgers.  I read in the park while Drew had his NFL Fantasy Football Draft (and got to video chat with his friends!) and then we had dinner at Tracy's!  She had a beer tasting party where she bought 10 beers and we got to taste each of them and rate them and take notes on a spreadsheet she'd made.  So awesome and so fun.  Sunday...Drew played golf, I made a grocery list and did laundry and we hung out after he got home.  Nice and low key.  

A picture of the love of my life, that my mother sent me this weekend, God love her.  Isn't he the cutest sweetest cutie?  I miss him so much my heart hurts.

Every morning (since last Wednesday) I've been getting up and walking Drew to work, and then roaming around Dubs for 5-6 miles.  It's a good thing for me.  And even better when it's beautiful weather on the river!

Pretty pretty pretty.

Chistchurch Cathedral on a lovely day, on one of my walks.

Burgers to bring us back to life on Saturday at Jo'Burger.  They were a foot high.  Mine had mushrooms and garlic butter, his had bacon and some sort of chutney on it.  Mmmmmmmm!

One of the many beers we tried at Tracy's.  This one, Brainblasta, had 7% ABV!  It didn't taste good but I guess it would get the job done if you had a couple.

This was my favorite label.  The beer wasn't half bad either.

I officially decided today that I'm not doing the internship.  It was causing me a lot of stress and I finally told Autumn I wasn't taking it and I feel better, though a little guilty and a little sheepish and like I might regret my decision any day now.  Drew has somehow miraculously changed his tune - his main priority now isn't money, it's....me getting out of the house, being happy, doing something cool.  I've continued applying for jobs but I'm also now looking into volunteer opportunities.  (If I'm going to do something unpaid just to get experience, I might as well do something I like.  Right?)  I'm having lunch with a friend who is in my similar situation this week to talk it out so hopefully I can get some more clarity.  

The things I'm talking about and complaining about seem so silly and so irrevelent but it just seems like everything is unknown and hard and out of our comfort zone.  We don't know a damn thing about anything and just wanna keep our heads above water!  Oh brother.

This has most likely been a hormone-induced rant so please ignore it and look forward to more positive posts this week.  Forgive me.  I love you all.  Cheers.

Not A Lot

I think the guy at the shop across the street where I buy my wine now knows me.  And judges me.  When you're at home as much as I am, a glass of wine signifies the end of the day for me.  A transition from day to evening...when you can start making dinner and doing whatever else "evening" means.  So he and anyone else can judge away but I like a glass of wine at the end of the day!  So sue me!

In other news, after two days of calling the electrician incessantly to come fix our oven, he FINALLY CALLED last night at...11pm.  That's right.  He was short staffed and on his way home and wanted to know if I wanted him to drop by.  It was really late and we wanted to go to bed but damnit, I wanted my oven fixed.  So I buzzed him on up and he fixed our oven while Drew and I watched our Tivoed Olympic Closing Ceremonies.  The electrician came and sat on the couch and watched them with us when he finished.  No joke.  I am now happy to report that the oven is working, I baked some healthy cookies this morning, and will get to bake my lasagna over which I had the breakdown on Monday.  Yay!

I don't have a lot to report today.  The past two or three days have been interesting emotionally and I've had some ups and downs but applying for jobs, talking to good friends, going on long walks, getting reassuring emails from sis-in-law, praying, and a working oven have improved things significantly.  I actually went to a coffee shop with my computer today for the first time ever in my life to get some work done!  (Work being job applications.)  I felt so legit with my Iced Mocha but definitely lost significant street cred when I asked repeatedly if they could make it with DECAF coffee.  I'll never be an Irish hipster, I guess.  

Alright, I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and preheat my functioning oven for my better-be-delicious lasagna.  Seeeeee ya.

Weekend Pics

I realize the things mentioned in the previous posts don't even sound like that big of a deal, but when you don't have a job and you're trying to contribute the only way you know how and your only self-imposed duties are the stuff that you failed at, damaging your already fragile self-esteem, well...it's not good.  But that was a low point.  I'm feeling much better today and I've already applied for 6 jobs!  Several of them were long shots (travel agencies, for example) but hey...why the hell not.  Gotta cast a wide net and all that jazz.

Here are some random pics from our random weekend!  We were very chill and got to enjoy each other's company - and got to be husband and wife again.  Yay!

I got to Skype with John, Lauren, and bebe late last week!  It made my life.  Look at that cutie.

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Guinness.

Menu from Crackbird, a cute place that actually serves delicious fried chicken.

Our spread of Jalapeno Cream Cheese dip ("A taste of home!" we thought.  WRONG.  This stuff burned your mouth off and we could hardly eat it.), Slaw, Potato Salad, and Szechuan Fried Chicken.  Yummm.

More sand sculptures at Dublin Castle on Saturday while I waited for Drew to finish work.

A delicious brunch at the Queen of Tarts - Spinach, Brie, and Pecan Tart with a variety of salads!  So good.  My new favorite place.

Somebody's ready for his first golfing outing!  You probably can't tell that he's a Longhorn here.

View from the course.  Beautiful.

A very lovely weekend overall.  Now I'm going to go apply for more jobs.  See ya!

Irish Problems

*Note: Some language has been edited after the editor/husband read the writer's original work.

It's 9:35PM, and I just spent 2 hours making a "Creamy White Chicken Artichoke Lasagna" from Pinterest, a new goal of mine (to make one new thing from Pinterest per week), only to realize that the freaking oven doesn't even freaking work.  And did I mention I don't have a dishwasher and I have to wash each of the 20 dishes I used to MAKE the freaking casserole by hand?  Only to have the oven STOP FREAKING WORKING??  

And did I mention that I spent like 2 hours at the freaking grocery story today, looking for several NORMAL AMERICAN ingredients that the Irish DON'T EVEN HAVE?  That the freaking APPLESAUCE was hidden behind the WORSTERCERSHIRE SAUCE?  And then I had to carry all the groceries home in one big giant Ikea bag that cut off the circulation in my shoulder?  And that they didn't even have artichokes in the first stores so I had to drop off my groceries and then head out to a SECOND grocery store to find artichokes that cost what a nice dinner out would??  And that my washing machine/dryer doesn't even dry my sheets so I might have to put WET SHEETS back on the bed tonight?  And did I mention that Drew is STILL AT WORK which means he's in a terrible mood which means I'M in an even WORSE MOOD due to my lack of dinner, lack of dry sheets, lack of job search, and lack of being a dutiful and capable house wife when I don't have a freaking job!?

I'm not in a good place right now.  I didn't apply for any jobs today, though I did technically look; my dinner isn't freaking ready, the oven breaks, the internet goes out, the fire alarm has gone off in this apartment building TWICE tonight (though I've ignored it), the bed isn't made, there's hair all over the bathroom floor, and I'm slowly but surely falling freaking apart.  

That's all.  Bye.  

Oh - the two pieces of bread I toasted to make my defeated bullshit peanut butter and jelly sandwich came out blackened and burned.  Wasting two pieces of the new bread I bought today, that doesn't last more than 4 days without growing mold anyway.  

Now that's really all.  Bye.

Howth

 Last week, on Kara's last day, we went to the little seaside suburb of Dublin called Howth (or Howth Head, technically).  It's basically a mountainous/hilly peninsula that has several hiking trails around it, as well as a cute little fishing town.  We went with Kara's friend Carrie and her friend Rob, who claimed to know where he was going and what he was doing.  He didn't.

This is a map of the peninsula.  Kara pointed out that it looked like a map of North America - and after getting completely lost following Rob through the wilderness and the mud pits of Ireland, we surmised that we had actually walked from Vancouver around to San Francisco.  

                             

It took about 2.5 - 3 hours to complete and we were worn out and muddy and HANGRY (Kara's version of Hungry + Angry).  After getting lost, we ran into an elderly couple who offered us a ride to the top of the peak to catch a bus back to town.  We gladly accepted their Irish hospitality - gotta love it.  A couple of Guinness and a bus ride later, we were back to Howth, eating fish and chips, watching the seals in the water, and enjoying ourselves!  Much like the Ring of Kerry, it was hard to complain too much - right after you'd soak your entire shoe and part of your jeans in a pit full of mud, the trail would open onto a view of the sea and the sun would come out from behind the clouds and all would be right with the world.  Here are some pics!

Me with hair in my face, Carrie, and Rob

Awkward solo shot.

This is a shitty picture of a big seal just dipping below the water!  Cooool!

I plan on taking Drew back here on a weekend before the weather changes too much, and any other visitors!

Now I'm going to watch "Murder, She Wrote", my newest obsession.  It's like Law & Order but without the disturbing gruesome stuff, and Angela Lansbury always gets the bad guy!  Yet another reason I need a job.  Ok, bye for now.

Job Search

It's become painfully clear that I need to get a job of some sort.  And I still feel conflicted and don't REALLY want to get one but...I can't keep going on as I do.  Meaning...I can't send Drew off to work and then hop back in bed for 2-3 hours.  I can't sit around the house in my pajamas all day, leaving the house in the afternoons only to read in a park or go grocery shopping.  The behavior I'm describing might lead one to believe that I've fallen into some sort of depression, when that assessment couldn't be farther from the truth!  I'm happy here.  I really like it here.  But really...my depressive behavior is nothing more than PURE LAZINESS.  I am the laziest sack o' junk that I know right now and the lazier I get, the less I care.  I guess that's how it works with laziness, right?  And I fear that my brain may be rotting away.  I'm flying through books while I'm here so I know some of my brain still works, but mostly I keep myself distracted from this fear of brain rot by popping another Dawson's Creek DVD into my computer to watch.  Not good.

Which means...this week, I've got to start searching for a job.  This in itself presents several conflicting emotions and thoughts.  People here have already started asking about jobs and my work experience in the States and what kind of work I want to do.  I explain that I worked at a marketing agency for 3 years, and then changed my "career" and was a social worker at a non-profit for two years.  I get a lot of "Oooohhhhhhhh.  Ok.  Gotcha." - meaning they don't know what to say, or how to help me with my job search with something so varied and bipolar as that.  And because I have marketing experience, people (coughcough DREW coughcough) assume that I just want to go back to marketing.  I don't.  I hated it.  And just because I have that experience doesn't mean I feel like I should just go straight back to marketing just to have some extra money.  I think I'd be really unhappy doing that.  So then...why not social work?  Well...I don't have a social work degree.  I somehow, by the grace of God, got hired at Genesis against all odds and was trained to be a social worker.  I'm not even sure anyone here in Ireland would entertain the idea of hiring an American to work at a non-profit without a degree in the thing she's trying to do.  And they don't need Spanish speakers here - they need Polish speakers.  That's out too.  So basically...I've started looking at secretary/administrative assistant/executive assistant/office manager positions.  I feel like I could do those well and use the skills I've obtained from my other jobs to do that type of work.  Am I dumbing myself down because I have no confidence to get any other job?  Maybe.  Probably.  Because that's what I do with almost everything in my life.  But honestly..I just don't know what else to do or in what industry to look!  

Before I came here I thought it might be cool to do something completely different, something I would probably never entertain in the States.  I looked at a job online to work at the cheese counter at a fancy food market.  People have suggested working at a coffee shop or pub.  I would totally do these things but...I also need my nights and weekends free.  Is that too much to ask?  Probably.  Any job I come across, I can pretty much talk myself out of wanting to apply for it for so many reasons.  I'm not qualified.  It sounds boring.  I'd never get it.  And the Irish economy isn't great and this whole thing is just frustrating and I feel defeated before I've even started it.  And really...all this laziness and cynicism about working is probably just masking my insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt, as per usual.  I don't want to apply for jobs, because I don't want to interview, because I don't want to sound stupid and not know what I'm talking about, because I don't wanna blow it, and because I don't want to get rejected and feel like an idiot.  This is the vicious cycle of thoughts that runs through my mind!  Before I numb it with worthless DVDs, that is.  Sigh.

Tomorrow, I'll wake up when Drew does, and not get back in bed.  I'll start looking at job boards and apply to any and all jobs that sound the least bit interesting, even if I'm not qualifed.  I'll cast a wide net and see what comes my way, and worry about the fear and anxiety and insecurity later.  Tomorrow, I also stop eating sleeves of cookies and start eating vegetables.  (That has nothing to do with jobs, just more resolutions for the week.  Why not.)  Tomorrow (or another day this week), I'll go to the French Alliance and get an assessment done for me to begin taking French classes.  Tomorrow, my laziness turns to productivity!  God willing.  I've said things like this in previous posts but I don't think it hurts to make new resolutions for yourself occasionally, even weekly!  Stay tuned.

Killarney: Day 3

Warning: this might be my most boring blog post yet.  Sorry.

Our third and final day was much less stressful than the previous day, and we were relaxed, ready to see some things, and head back.

View from our room at Friar's Glen.

Drew's delicious pancakes!

My banana fritters with honey and rasher.  (Rasher is a thick cut ham/bacon.  Interesting.)

View from our dining room.

Just up the road was Ross Castle, an old "tower house" built for the O'Donoghue clan in the late 15th century.  It was a short drive, supposed to be cool, and beautiful, so we were IN!  Evidently these homes/castles were very popular and were built with defensive tactics in mind, as clans just couldn't get along and kept attacking each other.  Come on guys.  Can't we all just get along?  Around 40 people lived in this home so...I can't imagine life being too pleasant.  We took a tour of the inside and got to see how they lived their day to day life.  Verrryyyy interesting.    

My boo and me, looking like a big pile of dung.

Hellooooooo anyone there?

A cannon!  For Drew!  Hook 'em.

Boats on a canal near the castle.

You could also take boats on the shore all over the lake for more magnificent views and scenery.  We opted to stay on dry, solid, unmoving land.  

Irish boaters and their loyal companion.

Look at this cute pup!

Next, we headed over to a lovely church, St. Mary's Cathedral, recommended to us by the B&B owners.  Very large, very beautiful, very Catholic.  Not much else to report.

We lit a candle for someone.  Who, you might ask?  Wouldn't you like to know.

We got some lunch at "the best pub in Killarney" (according to several internet sites) and began the long day's journey into Dublin.  Kara and I slept most of the way and Drew sang along to music on his iPod.  A take-away dinner at our local burrito place, and we were home to veg and recover.  Despite the winding, narrow roads, we had a really lovely time on our first little getaway to Killarney.  Now we have to start planning our other trips.  Cheers!