The Night Before

We leave for Ireland tomorrow.  I'm laying in bed and it's midnight and Drew's at his house and I'm at mine and I should be trying to fall asleep, but I wanted to write down a few of my thoughts I guess.  I'm ready to go.  I'm ready to quit talking about it with everyone and ready to stop answering the same questions and ready to get the sad goodbye parts over with, go to the airport, go through security, get on the plane, and breathe.  I think we'll both be ok once all of that happens.  So much build-up and anxiety to deal with and I think we're just ready for the anticipation to be over.

I've mostly been trying to numb myself.  I haven't cried too much, only today when telling Kell goodbye, and Kathleen, and someone else I'm not remembering.  And I want to sob my eyes out everytime I think of leaving Murphy (precious dog/love of my life) or Annie (squishy bebe niece/love of my life).  Those two worry me the most - with dogs and babies, you have to be physically present to have a relationship with them.  You can't Skype or text with them.  Everyone else you can.  I'm worried about my mom, who has been crying a lot, but I have a feeling that the anticipation of the goodbye and of me leaving will be worse than the actual leaving itself.  Or I hope so.

My brain is kind of blank and fuzzy right now, which means the numbing is working.  I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing.  I think it's a fairly healthy coping skill, something that's new and different for me because I'm generally a big jumbled emotional mess about anything and everything.  I've been eating and drinking wine a lot too.  My pants don't fit that well.  Ha.  Ah well.  It'll all even out and be ok.  

Generally, before big life events, like weddings, or graduations, or anything else, I am much more nostalgic than I'm being now.  I do the whole "Ahh!  This is my last time to ever eat at this restaurant!" or "This is my last time to ever drive down this particular street on this particular day!" or anything else ridiculous.  But I really haven't done that and I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I know it's not permanent, and I'll be back in 5 months.  And after two years, I'll most likely be back for good.  My goodbyes have been varied and often but they have generally been very short and sweet, with no teary emotional things said, except "Have so much fun!"  And we will!

  

I'm struggling with being myself and authentic and real in this thing, but I find it hard to be as real as I want when it's a blog that parents and kids alike all read.  Sigh.  I guess I'll have to work on that and find my voice.  Or something.

It's 12:20 and I know I need to go to bed.  Tomorrow morning will come fast and I don't think I'm prepared.  ACK!  I just got a pit in my stomach.  I can't believe it's tomorrow and can't believe it's really happening, after all the years of dreaming and hoping and praying and wishing.  Wow.  Ok.  Deep breaths.  I can do this.  

We're gonna be ok!

Drew and I went to a concert last Thursday, for a band called Wolfgang that Drew likes and listens to.  I would call it an indie emo weirdo band, whatever, but I decided I'd go along for a fun night out anyway.


Upon entering the bar in Deep Ellum, we knew we were immediately out of place.  Drew's UT polo shirt and blue khakis stuck out like sore thumbs compared to the rolled up jeans, rolled up sleeves, 1940's-era haircuts, and tattoo sleeves we saw there.  We felt like IDIOTS, with good reason.  So we did what any normal person would do: ordered drinks and lots of 'em.  We grabbed a table near the back of the room but near the front door and people-watched and felt silly.  At some point, Drew got up to go to the bathroom and left me there with our drinks, 4 empty seats, and my iPhone.  Not even a minute later, 3 guys came up to the table and sat down to chat it up with me.  Now two things were running through my mind here: (1) Nice work Lauren!  You still got it!  Even though you never had it! Maybe you're getting it!  (2) What the hell do I talk to these guys about?  I don't know how to carry on conversation with randos!


"Can you believe they won't let us take our beers outside?", one of the guys, Matt, said.  "Oh...wow!  No..no I can't!" I replied.  And then I proceeded to sit there not knowing what to say.  Turns out, they just wanted me to hold their beers while they stepped out for a smoke.  So in reality I never "had" anything, but a table.  Ah well.  Anyways, Drew returns and so do the guys and we all proceed to start talking about Dallas, Fort Worth, and Ireland.  Some of them had been there, we discussed the pros and cons of the country, and before you knew it, we were fast friends!  They bought us drinks, we bought them drinks, they sat with us, we laughed, we cried, we enjoyed each other's company.  We survived our initial encounter with the weirdos and we passed with flying colors!


Even LATER in the night towards the end of the evening, Drew started yelling out random things at the band and quoting random movies, when this OTHER group of guys proceeded to laugh at him/with him - and again, we began talking.  Turns out they were from Lake Highlands and knew Drew's brother and one of my friend's brothers and all kinds of random connections!  Who knew.


Bottom line: Drew and I walked away from the fun evening feeling good, feeling confident, and feeling like WE'RE GONNA BE OK in a foreign country where we don't know anyone and feel stupid meeting new people!  We can do this!  Hopefully!  God willing!  Help!!

Me and my demon eyes with the lead singer of Wolfgang.

Going Away Party

We had a little "going away" shindig last night, even though we're not leaving for a week, so we could see our best friends and family before we ship out.  Many thanks to Nell for being the resident photographer, and apologies to Drew for not having been in hardly any photos.  Here are some pics!

Party spread.

Me and my sista, Beth

Meg and Josh!

Blakely and I

Kathleen and preggo Stephie, all the way from New Mexico!

Drew and his work peeps

B and Blakely, both came all the way from Houston!

Foof and Teri / Chris and Lindsay

Peter and Garrett

Bro (John) and Sis (Lauren), in from Austin with the bebe!

Me and Mitch.  Later in the evening.  Whoops.

Me, Kathleen, and Jessica!

Cait and Dev.  I have pretty friends.

Me and the Davids (Dad and Dad-in-Law)

Nell and Peter!  Sexies!

Xtina, me, Ev, and Bart!

It was a really fun get-together and I hope everyone had a good time.  I know I did.  And everyone who was there could probably tell.  Sorry not sorry! Thanks to our moms and dads for a wonderful evening!

Retirement

My last day of work was Friday, June 1, after having told my bosses and coworkers 4 weeks before - which wasn't easy.  


The first two of those four weeks, I continued working hard, numbing myself, keeping my feelings at bay (kinda like I'm doing now).  The third week was slightly more difficult, and senioritis was taking over quickly.  The final week was busy and a little stressful, mostly because I had goodbyes looming over my head, and I hate those and can't relax until it's over.  My coworkers took me to a really nice going-away lunch, where they gave me restaurant gift cards to my fave Mexican food places (woohoo!) and an apron with a map of Texas on it.  It was incredibly nice and generous and I kinda couldn't believe it.  


I was doing ok until Thursday when I had to tell one of my favorite clients goodbye and we both teared up.  Which I'm pretty sure isn't super professional, but...what am I supposed to do?  My whole job was to build relationships with clients.  I can't help it!  I stayed late to finish some notes and then another one of my favorite clients came down with her kids, with a gift for me!  Her kids were dancing around saying "It's a plate!  It's a plate!" and I proceeded to pull a giant plate out of the bag.  It had their hand and feet prints on it, their names and ages, and other artwork all over it, and it said "We'll love you around the world".  I promptly burst into tears, scaring the poor dancing excited red headed cuties.  My client cried and I cried even harder and was finally able to get out that I hoped one day that she could see the person I see, and she's come so far even in 6 months, and how proud I was of her.  And we cried even more.  Sigh.  That was hard.  Really hard.  I was able to write notes to all of my clients and favorite staffers saying what I needed to, and I definitely teared up Friday afternoon telling the boss goodbye, and then...I was gone!  


It's weird not being there.  I miss my clients and kinda feel like the show can't possibly go on without me...when I know it absolutely can.  I also feel fearful that I didn't do something or forgot something that someone will realize and then they'll say bad things behind my back.  But more than that...I just really loved my job.  I felt like I found something I liked and was decent at and was surprisingly passionate about, which I never thought I would or could find before.  I met awesome women and built great relationships with clients and staff alike.  It was a hard job, but at the end of the day, I felt like it was worth it.  I'm so thankful for that.


All of that being said...I'm enjoying my retirement.  Significantly.  The first week off, I went walking with friends at White Rock Lake every day, spent a LOT of time packing, cleaning, organizing, being productive; eating good food, drinking wine every night, seeing friends, seeing coworkers OUTSIDE of work, just generally enjoying myself.  The week after that we went to Florida, this past week I've just been dilly dallying and swimming and running errands with Drew, and I'm now entering my fourth and final week of "summer" - which will be filled with breakfasts, lunches, happy hours, and dinners with various friends and family, and lots of errand-running.  And PACKING.  Which I don't want to talk about or think about.  Overall, I really think this work-free life might be the life for me.  Or maybe just the life for me, right now.  I guess we'll see what happens in Ireland.  For now, I'll try my damndest to enjoy my final week of Dallas summer.

Vacation

We returned from a Florida family vacation with D's family facing the harsh reality that we no longer have our own apartment to go to. I rode in the backseat of the family Tahoe, looking longingly at the downtown skyline, feeling sad and nostalgic for our own beautiful apartment we lived in, one we had for our very own. But instead, we have to live out of a suitcase for 2 weeks more, shuffling between parent's houses.. Don't get me wrong- we had an amazingly wonderful relaxing trip in Florida - and I would feel this way with EITHER side - I just miss the days of having my own space. And it's only been a week!

Uptown is one of the douchiest places in Dallas, to live or even visit, but...oddly enough, we loved it. It (was) close to both of our jobs, it was covered in good food, restaurants, and bars, and it was close enough to our parents to visit when we wanted but far enough away to feel like we had our own place in the city, away from the area we grew up in. It does make me feel sad looking downtown and knowing that it's not our place anymore. There was a shower for a friend tonight in Oak Cliff, and before it was a few exits away. Now it's miles and miles and a trip so far I'm not even sure I can make it in my travel fatigue. Which is probably why this post sounds so melancholy.

We leave two weeks from tomorrow and the panic and reality of it all is setting in. I hardly thought about it in Florida but this morning neither D or I could sleep, thinking about the long to do list we have looming over our heads. And I haven't seen my friends in forever, which doesn't help either! I think I'm just a tired whiny cranky baby who needs a good nights sleep and then I'll be ok in the morning.

But speaking of Florida - we had an incredible week of relaxation, good food and drinks, a beautiful beach, And family fun time - with my funny sista Beth and my saracastic bro-in-law Blakesta ("you don't know WHAT he wants!"). We went to Marco Island and stayed at a fabulous beach house. We beached and swam in the pool and had happy hour on the deck and then ate delish food. Here are some pics!

Blanket o' clouds at 37,000 feet.

Seashells down by the seashore.

The results of using Spray Sunscreen.  

Family time at the Snook Inn.

Relaxation.

Beach time.

One of my views from the deck.

Sunset.  #nofilter.

I'm going to bed now, and waking up with a new positive outlook on life tomorrow. God willing.

Moving Sucks

Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks.  Moving sucks. 


Moving freaking sucks.  We just "finished" up moving from our luxurious wonderful dream-like Uptown apartment, which has been a work in progress all week, into our parent's houses.  My mom and I have been packing up the place this past week, and yesterday and today were spent taking apart bedroom furniture, finding places for everything, and staring aimlessly at the small piles of CRAP that seemed to permeate our entire apartment that had no place to go.  There were times I was so overwhelmed with everything that I wanted to throw it all out the window and jump out after it.  


I guess the hard part about this particular move is trying to categorize everything into three  groups: Storage, Pack for Ireland, and Pack for Now But Won't Take to Ireland.  And then we have to condense it down to either fit in our parent's attics or to store in one room at each house while we live there for the next 3 weeks.  UUGGGHHH!!!  Stress!  I'm being whiny but I don't care.  I had a crappy weekend and two sleepless nights so I'll whine if I want to.


We shipped a TON of stuff to Ireland a couple of weeks ago.  Drew's company will help us ship it, by sea, and sea shipments take about 8 weeks to get there.  We had to make several  decisions as to what we want to take, what is wise and not wise to take, what we'll have room for, what will already be furnished, etc.

A look at the pile of things we shipped.

Our stuff should hopefully be arriving in Ireland by mid-July, when we have our tiny apartment, and then we'll get to figure out what to do with everything all over again.  


I have to keep reminding myself that though it might be stressful and overwhelming right now, it's all for good reason and will hopefully be worth it.

Bebe

We got to go down and see J&L and bebe Annie over Memorial Day weekend, and got to spend a ton of time with her!  She's on more of a schedule now, that alternates between feeding, changing, playing, sleeping, changing, and repeat.  It would exhaust me but J&L have it down like champs.  And they seem oddly calm and happy with everything.  I think I'd be a frazzled mess but they're doing awesome!  I'm trying to squeeze in as much time as possible with this precious angel bebe before the move - but don't talk to me about leaving her because I might cry on the spot.  Here are some pics!

A cute pic J&L sent me.

Uncle Drew and bebe Annie.

I love my Dad!  Yay! Victory!

Umm who is this guy eating my hands?

Happy family.

Surprise!  There's a camera in my face.

I may squeeze her face off.

My Aunt Lauren is so hilarious! She makes me laugh and laugh.

Mmmmm these fingers are delicious.

There's plenty more pics of this angel where these came from, so again, stay tuned.

NYC Trip #7

My b-fri lives in NYC so I usually try to go up there once or twice a year to see her.  But this trip was different - this trip was with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law!  That was definitely a different dynamic but a fun one no doubt.  We had a great time walking around, eating, seeing musicals, and hanging out with Mere and my brother-in-law, Blakesta.

We got in on Friday night, where we met Mere at Eataly for a drink, and then on to Cafeteria for dinner - where I got the Chicken and Waffles, the size of my head.

The Flatiron Building at dusk.

Blakesta and Mere.  Young love?

The next day, we went on a Food Tour!  Which, if you know me at all, is generally something I do every trip to NYC.  Because I'm a Food Pornographer and am not apologizing for it.  It was the Nolita Tour with Foods of NY and it was awesome.

Drop love, not bombs!
(The wall outside of the Little Cupcake Bakeshop.)

Some of the best pizza we've ever had at Emporio.

Sweet corn tacos from Tacombi.

We then walked around all over NYC, got ready for the evening, and went to see How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, with Nick Jonas!  AHHHHHHHHHH!  And we had a delicious meal at Joe Allen beforehand.

Me trying to do a cool Felicity style shot by the Subway, but failing miserably cause I couldn't keep a straight face.  Oh, and I'm not Keri Russel.  

Nick Jonas!!

On Sunday, Mere and I clowned around in her apartment, and then met the rest of the gang at Peels after their visit to the 9/11 Memorial.  We had some strong Texas 75s and the Build-a-Biscuit!  DELISH!!  Then there was more walking around, more pizza, and Godspell!  The play was incredible, and Hunter Parrish from Weeds made a little cameo appearance.  And now Beth and I are obsessed with him.  Sorry not sorry.

Texas 75 at Peels: Vodka + Champagne + Lemon

Friends!  On the stoop of her fancy new apartment.

Godspell.

The last day (Monday) rained cats and dogs, but Susan, Beth, and I spent time shopping near Herald Square and we scored a new pair of shoes each.  Thanks Suse!  We then ventured over to SMAC, a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese.  Right up my alley.

Cheesy happy deliciousness.

A great time was had by all - thanks to Susan for a really wonderful trip!

FAQs

I thought I would address some Frequently Asked Questions that we get a lot about our move.

Why Dublin?

Please see the previous post.  Cause it's there?  Why NOT Dublin?  I don't know.

Have you ever been to Ireland?

Nope.  I know nothing about it except that it's green and they drink Guinness.  Which sounds like a country that I wanna be a part of.

When do yall leave?

Tentatively...Monday, July 2.  It's a lot sooner than we thought, which kinda made me panic.  But lots of things make me panic, as you'll soon learn.

Will you (Lauren) be working?

I don't know - that's a great question.  We initially thought I'd be able to work through Drew's green card, but evidently that's not the case.  I have to get an Irish company to give me an offer letter and then it shouldn't be a problem getting a permit to work.  The only problem is actually GETTING that offer letter.  They're in the middle of a recession and I have to convince them that they won't have to sponsor me!  (Which costs them money.)  This looks like it may prove difficult.  Which makes me panic.

Drew and I are both stressed about this aspect for different reasons.  Drew is worried I'll be bored, alone, depressed, and won't meet anyone.  That I'll spend my days sulking and waiting for him to get home.  And while he DOES have a point and those ARE valid concerns, I'm just...not as worried about that.  My main concern is MONEY.  (Surprise!  Who knew.)  We need two incomes.  We want to travel.  I want to travel.  I want to go all over Europe/the world while we're there and we need MONEY to do that.  Drew said "If you don't have a job, you'll be bored and depressed."  To which I replied: "No, I'll be depressed if we can't TRAVEL!"  Which is true.  I. WANT. TO. TRAVEL.  I feel the need to qualify that statement because others may be reading this now, but...I can't.  It's my life damnit!  I need to live out my dream!  So sue me.

What are you going to be doing over there?

If I'm not working, then...I don't know.  Yet again.  Drink Guinness or Jameson all day?  Join a women's group?  Drew has already looked up Expat blogs and groups and organizations to join so I'll probably have to force myself to do that.  Which gives me anxiety.  

Where will you live?

Who knows.  We'll stay in a PwC sponsored hotel for 2 weeks and are expected to hit the ground running, trying to find a flat.  Drew's new hobby is researching apartments and neighborhoods over there.  We think we know the area in which we wanna live but our place will most likely be the size of a closet.  Oh well.  It's a Dublin closet and that's what counts!  

What's the weather like?

It evidently stays mostly in the 30s and 40s in the winter, and 60s and 70s in the summer.  It rains a lot.  I don't love the rain.  That will be an adjustment...like everything else in my life I guess.  Ah well.

What are you taking?

Most of the apartments come fully furnished, so we really aren't bringing any furniture.  We packed up a bunch of kitchen stuff, wall decor, tons of clothes, air mattresses (for our guests!), barware (duh), shoes, pictures, books, DVDs, a DVD player, and tons of random items we didn't think we'd find in inexpensive abundance over there.  Items such as...ranch dressing packets, taco seasoning, bulk shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, Q-tips, makeup, blah blah blah.  It'll take about two months for our stuff to get there by sea, so we gotta do it soon.  

Is Drew bringing his golf clubs?

Yes.  Absolutely.  Ireland has some of the best courses in the world evidently.

Can we come visit for St. Patrick's Day?

YES!  Or any other time of the year!  We have a luxurious air mattress for company, and maybe one day we'll even have a two-bedroom apartment.  Come one, come all.

I think that covers most of them we get.  If there are any others, just ask!

I Guess It's Official

I told my bosses and coworkers last Friday about Ireland.  And that I'm leaving in a month.  It was hard and not pleasant.  I thought about waiting until Monday but I figured I better get it over with and not have it hanging over my head all weekend.  

I nervously walked into my boss' office:

Me: Can I talk to you for a second?

Boss (her face dropping):  Oh shit.  When are you leaving?  Where are you going?

Me: Um, well, it's not like that, I...well I...

And then I promptly burst into tears and sobbed and squeaked my way through the rest of the meeting, explaining that Drew was going to Ireland for his job, I was going with him, my last day will be in a month, we leave in July, etc.  She was very nice and very supportive.  And then I had to do the whole thing over again with my other boss, the rest of my coworkers, our Executive Director, and then my clients - where I may or may not have teared up again.  I'm relieved it's over and everyone knows and it's out in the open (and I can openly blog, Tweet, Facebook, etc.) but it's still hard and GOING to get harder, the closer I get.  Goodbyes always hang over my head and cause me major anxiety - and usually the anxiety is worse than the goodbye.  It'll be a busy next few weeks so I better get my shit done and make it count.