Panic

Enough travel talk.  I'm ready to write about the real issues.  We are staring down the barrel of 1 more month here in Ireland, followed by another month of European travel, followed by our impending move home in early July.  And I'm panicked.

I keep telling myself that I am going to have a positive attitude about moving home and I will stop grumbling about it to Drew - but those are mostly just words, as I literally haven't done a damn thing to try to be positive about the move.

I realize this sounds dramatic, but I feel like....my life is coming to an end.  I feel like before I came here, my life in Dallas was mediocre and blah.  Of course I was happy, I had lots of my high school friends there and a good job, but I didn't really have much 'going on' in my life.

(Note: this is specific to MY life in Dallas.  Not people who live in Dallas.  MY LIFE ONLY.)

But living in Dublin is different.  Even though I'm not working and still technically have a 'blah' life here, it's still...different.  And better.  I also feel like it will feel as though our time here in Dublin never happened.  We'll go back to our regular lives in Dallas and Dublin will be a distant dream-like memory that maybe never existed.  When I studied abroad with 3 of my best friends in college, we grew up and changed - but when we came back to Dallas/Austin, it literally seemed like we never lived in Spain, getting back to the same old college junk from before.  I'm afraid we'll come back to Dallas and be the same people we've always been there, even though...we're not.  I want some things to be different.  (What exactly, I'm not sure.)

I also feel like nothing in my life ever made me different or unique.  But you know what DOES make me a little different and unique?  Living in Dublin with my husband and getting to travel Europe!  I'm living my dream!  And now the dream is over.

This post just took a turn for the dramatic, negative and hopeless and I need a 'tude change STAT!

My brother suggested I make a list of everything I love about living in Dublin and try to see if I can incorporate some of those things back into my Dallas life.  I suspect that this will be impossible, because the things I love about living in Dublin are things that can't be changed or incorporated into Dallas.  But in the spirit of trying to make an effort, I'll give it a whirl:

It would appear that there's more to look forward to in Dallas than I thought, despite what I've been telling myself.  And the good news is that since I made the list this weekend, I've already been thinking of other random things about Dallas that I love and feeling GENUINE excitement!  So that's a good sign.  I've read so many articles on the power of positive thinking and I think it can have a pretty great effect on you if you let it.  And if you actually think positively.  Dangit!

Alright, that's it.  Just a little venting/talking it out/bloggin it out.  Now I'm off to bed to think POSITIVELY about POSITIVE things!