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| Spring? Sure looks like it. But don't be fooled. |
I have a lot to write about, like our amazing trip to Budapest, but...I've been feeling uninspired again. I think 20 posts in a row about "we did this, and we went here, and we saw this with these particular people" gets a little old for me, and probably you few readers as well. So today I'm just choosing to write about us. Me. Etc.
If I'm being real, I'm having a hard time adjusting to this working thing. Which is silly because if I was in the States I'd be working full time, no problem. I'd be a functioning full time working woman and I'd still be able to work out, see my friends, cook dinner, get my shit done, and hang out with my husband. But...it just feels different over here and I feel like I'm losing my grasp on the life I'd built for myself.
In fact, during the typing of this blog post, my mom got online at 10pm Dublin time and asked if I wanted to Skype, as I was also telling my brother how frazzled and upset I am about the current state of my mental health right now. And then she asked that and then I started sobbing and had a mental breakdown and then yelled at Drew about how I need help around the house and how he never does the dishes after I spend hours cooking and then I sobbed harder.
Did I mention that my job wants me to move to full time? And I accepted? I guess I wanted to move to full time at some point but I didn't anticipate it happening this soon and I knew I really didn't have a choice. This job definitely has its ups and downs. Some days are great and I feel productive and in sync with the team and the job. Other days, most days, I feel frazzled, annoyed with a passive-aggressive coworker who constantly tells me how he feels about the job I'm doing, and upset with myself that I've gotten into yet another job that doesn't technically require a college degree.
My beloved classes are coming to an end, the classes that made me feel happy and fulfilled and like my brain was functioning again, and I'm not able to take them anymore. Volunteering has gone out the window. So has working out, seeing any of my friends ever, eating dinner before 9pm, doing laundry on a regular basis, sleeping much, reading anything, having lengthy discussions with my brother about history, praying, and spending time with my husband because busy season is evidently still in full f-ing swing and I'm over it. I feel like I'm 22 again and I just graduated college and just got a new job and am navigating how the hell I'm supposed to carry on with my life while accommodating a full time job. Or maybe it's the other way around.
I'm sorry to complain so much. I'm remembering that other positive post about my job a few months ago and now laughing at myself about all the terrible shit I'm saying. I know how I sound. Everyone works and I would be too if I were in the States and I had a wonderful "break" and now it's time to get back to it. I'm just having a hard time right now, I guess. It's like I don't know myself that well anymore and I never have time to just sit, and relax, and think, and...be who I was. But as my bro said, living abroad is "full of these kinds of soul searching moments and ups and downs. It's part of the experience, for better or for worse."
Sigh. Anyway.
Drew's doing good - doing really well at work and working a lot of hours but dominating as per usual. We had a great time in Budapest, which I'm looking forward to posting about, and we just booked a bunch of new trips for the upcoming months this week which makes him super happy. (Oktoberfest! The British Open! Belgium! Amsterdam! Woohooo) He's the best. Even though he doesn't do dishes ever.
Alright, I'm going to put ice cubes on my eyes to try to shrink the puffiness and get a good night's sleep, and hopefully not dream about the lunches I need to order for the guys on my team every day (like last night). More positive things to come soon.
G'night!
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