Babies Babies Everywhere

As this was evidently "Announce You're Pregnant" weekend, Drew and I have some news!  We're...not pregnant!  

I literally feel like everywhere I turn, we're being assaulted with Facebook and Instagram announcements about anyone and everyone I know being pregnant.  My best friends, people I love, random coworkers, family members, and anyone else in our Lake Highlands graduating class.  Seriously...EVERYONE I KNOW!  I saw no less than four Facebook announcements from people on Friday, and Drew just told me about one of his friends from Dallas announcing their pregnancy today...which led me to turn to the blog to talk it out, so anxious am I about all this stuff.

My initial response is happiness and elation for that person, and then a panicky feeling immediately follows.  "They're already pregnant?  We're only 28!  How will this person having a baby affect MY life?  Who will drink wine with me?  I don't even see half my friends that much as it is, now I definitely won't!  Am I supposed to have a baby now too?  I don't want a baby!  Help!"  Etc.  And along with the panicky feeling comes an odd need to "keep up" and get pregnant too, even though we don't want a baby right now, and aren't even close to wanting a baby.  But seeing all these pregnancy announcements and knowing almost all of my friends are having babies this year makes me feel like I SHOULD want a baby and SHOULD want to be pregnant and like I'm getting left behind somehow.  

I think I always thought we'd try for a baby when we were 28 or 29, not figuring we'd be in Europe without family or friends or money and with a very specific travel agenda.  But then we'll be 29 or 30 when we get back to the States, without cars, without a place to live, without a job (me), so that's definitely not a good time to have a baby.  So that means I'd try to get pregnant when I'm 30 or 31, and I may be totally dried up by that point and unable to conceive, and may spend years trying to get pregnant with hormone therapy meaning I won't have my first baby until I'm like 36; or we'll have to adopt, which means I won't get a baby until I'm close to 40!!  And my dreams of having 3-4 children are out the window, along with the rest of my sanity.  Do you see what I have to live with in my head!?  I'm a certified nut job.  I know everyone says there's no perfect time to have a baby but I really feel like that's very true of our lives right now and I can't foresee when the perfect time would be, before the age of like...31.  And that's too old in my opinion, given my fear of infertility and miscarriages!  UUGGGHHHH!  Life is hard.

Anyway.  Babies are awesome and I'm truly, unbelievably thrilled for everyone and can't wait to play with all of my new little precious puddin pies in Dallas but...it makes me selfishly anxious at the same time and I can't seem to reconcile it in my head.  

And I'd like to apologize to Susan in advance, who has been gunning for a grandchild since June 20, 2009.  :)