Conflicted

I'm feeling very conflicted: I'm tired of being a housewife but I don't want to work.  It's very complicated.


Evan left early Monday morning, so my task was to spend two days to myself, recovering from one guest and preparing for another, while also doing a multitude of things that need to be done around the house/for our family.


I haven't written about it yet, but one of my great friends that I studied abroad with in Spain, Kara, is coming to stay with us for a week on Wednesday!  I haven't mentioned it because it was literally finalized a week and a half ago.  Her mom works for United and she is a world traveler and had a week off between grad school and real school (she's a teacher) and thought Dublin would be fun!  Fine with us!  I will take anyone and everyone who wants to come visit.  Drew and I were planning a weekend getaway to Killarney for the bank holiday Monday (which means a much needed LONG weekend) and Kara is going to come along.  It oughta be a great time!


So like I was saying...I need to recover from my last guest and prepare for my new one.  This means doing copious amounts of laundry that take 3 hours per load.  And then I have to pick out the things from that load that need ironing and set them aside.  I also need to call our cable/internet/phone company to confirm some things, speak with our electricity company, as well as our piece-of-shit bank about our online account that has taken weeks and weeks to get.  I also need to go the hardware store because the "chandelier" in our apartment isn't working, mail in my application to the American Women's Club, hand in my Frequent Shopper card information at various stores, and learn to sew on some freaking buttons on Drew's shirts and pants.


I don't really like doing this housewife thing.  I hate cleaning.  I made Drew sweep yesterday when he got home, which I felt bad about, but I HATE sweeping and I hate the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BODY HAIR that accumulate in our apartment!  When we were newly weds, freshly married, the two major things I had to get used to were sharing a bank account (no more justifying buying a cocktail dress and deciding not to eat for the month) and the ridiculous amounts of body hair that came off of Drew's body.  It was and still is pretty unbelievable.  And the hair on Drew's head looks like the hair on the rest of his body so I never know where it comes from!  Which is gross!  And it's on our bathroom floor and in the shower and on the rim of the sink and the toilet and every other nook and cranny it can fit itself into!  And that upsets me a great deal.  Which is why I made him sweep and mop.  (This post probably isn't going to sell people on coming to our apartment to stay with us, is it?)  I shed too, don't get me wrong.  But if you see a long blonde hair, you know where it came from.  You know what it is and it's not as gross!!  Ugh.  All that to say, however, Drew needs me to sew buttons onto some of his clothing.  I have no clue what the F I'm doing.  I don't know how to sew a button on and I never learned and I've attempted to watch the YouTube videos explaining it and attempted to read the detailed instructions my mom sent but can't seem to make sense of any of it.  And when Drew asks me to do something during the day, I have absolutely no excuse to NOT get it done because...what the hell else am I doing?  Reading?  Drinking wine?  Walking around in a park?  Exactly.  So I HAVE to get these things done but I don't WANT TO DO THEM.  And I suck at doing them.  Case in point:


Lauren: I talked to the bank and we get our online banking TODAY!  And our change of address went through, FINALLY!
Drew: Oh awesome!  Did you check how much money we had in our account?
Lauren: No...
Drew.  Oh.  Well that's ok, maybe you can do it next time.


OR


Lauren: Ok, I spoke with the electricity company and we're set up with our bank and our account and we'll be billed on the 20th!
Drew:  Nice work!  Did you ask if we have to manually do anything online to remove the funds from our bank?
Lauren: No...
Drew:  Oh.  Well that's ok, maybe you can do it next time.


OR


Lauren: I spoke with the phone company and we're good to go on our cell phones for another month!
Drew:  Great!  Did you pick which plan we want?
Lauren: No...I thought it just carried over...
Drew: It doesn't.  You have to pick.  Maybe you could call and ask them again.


I always F-ing forget something and feel like a worthless piece of shit, even when I AM trying to get things done, and even though Drew is nice, I generally want to crawl under my bed or hide in the water heater and not come out.   Which leads me to my next point.


I've applied for a few jobs and will continue doing so, but really...I don't want to work.  I enjoy my life of leisure.  Although I remain conflicted because this "life of leisure" comes with sewing buttons, running stupid errands, walking around the city in the rain, IRONING 3 times a week, doing laundry all day for hours at a time, calling multiple organizations and failing to ask the right questions, etc.  But the days I'm NOT doing those things, I get to read.  I get to walk around Merrion Square and sit in the sun.  I get to sleep in.  I get to run along the river if I so choose.  I get to blog.  I get to do what I want!  And work will hinder that.  I've been Funemployed for 2 months now and working seems so far away to me.  But at the same time...work will give us things that I love and need.  Like someone to help clean my house.  Like dinner at restaurants.  Like more travel without a husband who is stressed about money.  Like all kinds of other things that money can provide.  I know money can't provide happiness...but it sure can help.


Thus, my conflict.  I know how I sound.  I sound like a primadonna baby snobface who doesn't want to do anything except lay in bed an eat bonbons.  But that's not necssarily true!  And I've been wondering why I feel this way here, and why I didn't feel this way in the States.  I think part of it has to do with the fact that laundry was easier, and I didn't have to iron.  Dry cleaning was affordable.  We had someone clean our apartment once or twice a month for a minimal fee.  Drew and I shared responsibilities because we were both working.  Things were just easier and different.  And while I feel that I need to justify my statements, I won't. This is my blog, it's me being honest, and I feel like honesty is usually what makes good blogs.  Unless they're your friends and family and they turn against you because you're a lazy bitch who only thinks of herself.  Oh brother.


Anyway, that's how I'm feeling at the moment.  I need an attitude check about so many things and that is what I'm going to start praying about!  I am still having a great time, feeling good about things, not feeling homesick or lonely, but I just need a 'tude check.  So that will be good...when it comes.


Side note: I wrote this post after walking home in the rain, trying to change some lightbulbs I can't reach, loading another load of laundry, ironing 6 shirts, and making dinner for someone who won't get home til 9:30, so...I'm a little testy.  I'm not always this way.  Don't hate me.  I love you all.  Bye.